Random thoughts, often clutter my thinking space...the necessisty of being comes very essentially in that.however as it usually is like with me, taht too doesnt come baggage-free...it brings along with it several contradictions in me.Like my immense necessity to have as well as to crave. The need to be completely in control at times, whilst at others to let my hair down like nobody's business.Like the fierce need for independence alongwith the intense desire to belong. Like the need to be kind coupled with an overpowering need to be a bitch.Contradictions that often freak me out. Contradictions which tell me that the deeper i delve into me i find a new unexplored horizon of existence altogether.But it wasnt designed to be taht way, or was it? well again, you wouldn't expect any better from a complete narcissist, would you?
But keeping the self reprimands for later,aren't contradictions inherent in every existence? On one thought i want to pour my heart out, on second thoughts i do not want to become so vulnerable that one can use that against me.So one is on the guard agin, but sometimes, being on the guard do we also miss out on things that could have been worth-a-while? Do we sometimes miss out on people, because we were too busy being guarded ? Another question that immediately follows suite is , well if we are doing that, isnt that solely to protect oneself from getting hurt? Or is it that in our need to not get hurt, to survive and to survive happily we persuade ourselves to believe who we are not? But then again how do we decide how much to open up and who to open up to? who to give a chance to and who not to..Answering these questions wouldnt be all that difficult for you, if you were Tithi, but then again, it is me, so you can well imagine why the prolonged expression of utter confusion. Well i guess with time we all learn, but how do we learn to tell when it is time...One may say its important to maintain a balance, a suitable, convenient balance.But isn't this very definition of balance very relative too?
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