A year ago, as one journey ended...

My Farewell Mail...

From: Aishwarya Guha
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2010 8:31 PM
Subject: Bidding farewell

Hi,

Saying goodbye has never been one of the easiest things to do. Strangely,inspite of repeatedly being called garrulous, for once I am at a loss of words. The last three and a half years of my association with Wipro, has in a lot of ways defined the way I am now. And looking at myself, I am pretty glad about the person I have turned out to be at 21 J Having started of as an associate with Winstream, who wouldn’t think twice before sitting up on the desk while taking calls, so that she could be a lill warmer on a cold winter evening, to becoming a someone who could be counted on to handle 25 people, locked inside a room,( I remember the first time I met Rajesh Sir, before I started training with BT, he asked me, “are u sure you’ll be able to handle a class of 25 trainees?” )on her own, means a lot to me.As I look back a lot of you stand out as people who in your each lill way, touched my life and made my stay one that I would recall and smile.

My Windstream team (to the very few of you left) : Riddhi, Ranada, Sumit Sir, Gaurav Siru, Anirbanda,  Amrish Sir, Gulzar, Bibekda, Rajorshida, Punit, Ipsita – I grew up from a regular college-going kid to a responsible employee under your guidance. The transition was huge – thank you for making it so easy and smooth for me.

The BT team : Zoe, Elvis, Ravi, Romil, Rajeev, Priya,Dipsy,Sanchitadi, Debbie,Sumitadi,Sunny, Brijesh, Anandada– You guys were my very first peers in training and people I know I could count on with my eyes closed. I almost had a replica of a family there ;P Thank you for always being there.I have made some amazing friends amongst you all and  wherever I am I wish to hear only good news of all of you guys.

My Seniors: Rajesh Sir, Antara, Sudeshna, T, Adish,Deb, Dion,Nilanjan, Sajni,Vinay – I have nothing but gained from your association, not only in terms of knowledge (be it excel or T’s regular bickering about my terrible eating habits J) but also an amount of wisedom that I shall always prize. Thank you.

My peers: Som,Prabhjot, Anurag, Sarah, Carol, Anish, Sneha, Soma, Srirupa, Sreeparna, Judy,Tapopurna, Sayantani, Delphine,Sukanta, Sachin, Simon, Chris, Gregory, Suraksha, Anandarup, Sabby, Hillolda, Ravi,Lata, Rishav, Arijit, kaushikda, Alokadi - All of you have been wonderful peers; the reason i could look forward to coming to the TT bay or to the classroom each day. Thank you for being so supportive.I have known many of you personally and will carry only fond memories of you. Wish you good luck in whatever you pursue.

To friends that I made on the way: Kanad, Mota, Saikat, Krish, Ranajoyda, Praddy, Sukirti, Parul, Milind, Abhishek,Anupam : You guys were the reason I could stand Chennai, the few months that I was there.I would have perished in the effort otherwise J In the midst of all the tamil-ness your company was what kept me going :D

Olive, Tj, Simrat, Ps n Bs – I am not saying a goodbye to you at all. I will look up a few good places in Bombay, where we can party :P

As I am about to leave, I know I am leaving a lot behind, but all the same I am taking a lot with me too. Hope you all do really well in life. You can always write to me at aishwarya.moon@gmail.com and say nice things about/to me… and of course being the Facebook addict that I am, I’ll catch up with you there :P

Have a good one J

Cheers,

Aishwarya

PS: The names are in no order whatsoever J

Dilli Calling...

The idea of a new city appeals to me. Always has. New surroundings, new people, a new way of life...Newness has always had its unheralded charm...

This time I’m all the more excited, since it is a city called Dilli... :)

There’s something about Dilli that I find extremely attractive. I've had glimpses and peeks at it, and it’s intrigued me. Always. The broad roads, the smell of the roads infact reeks (the word has been used after a lot of thought) of it being the capital city. So you expect 'capitals' of everything... Look at the winters and the summers. Its got some of the coldest winters, when crawling down inside your quilt with some warm whiskey in ur stomach couldn't just getter better; while u have some of the hottest summers, when nothing could compare to a cold chilling shower!

So you have everything in 'capital' doses. Well I think knowing this helps u set expectations from and with the city. U are better prepared.

And, very importantly, it also has breathing space. Somehow I've always maintained that Bombay makes me feel very claustrophobic, and for a person who couldn't but like more space around her, Bombay just couldn't get better! Anyway I'd resolved that I’m no longer going to crib about Bum-bay so am going to stick to that (except for the local trains maybe).

Plus there’s good food in Delhi; regular eatable food. And for somebody who eats to give in to the cravings of the taste buds over that of the stomach, Delhi gets full points! I JUST couldn't live with the concept of eating 'paus' as basic food items. Every day! Delhi's got good food and at all times of the day! And I repeat good food. The lill experience that my taste buds have had in Dilli, tells me so, to say the least.

And the last time I’d been there I shopped and shopped well. Important. I somehow find things here a lill flashy, a lill more Bollywood-y than what it should have been. No offence meant to people who like shopping in Bombay; my choice in clothing completely! And well that does not mean that I’m not going to do my bit of shopping before I leave Bumbay... Bum or Dil it’s shopping anyway!! :P :P

Delhi also has this very intriguing amalgamation of the old and the new. The old exists with such grandeur, with no resentment for the new. And the new has its own pace and place. It’s not all that worried about replacing the past with as fewer steps as possible. Both exist, independent of the other, well aware though of each others presence...

Well, I’m probably looking forward to lotta good things in Dilli. I guess I ought not to have so many expectations. At least till I’m told for sure that I’m going there (I’ve been told 'almost' for sure, so far!) I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying that the city lives up to my expectations!!

:)

Good things...

I recently completed my year long association with education! My course is finally over. And i couldn't have asked for more. It ended with me getting placed in the company i always wanted to, and two of my closest friends here, getting placed in the companies they wanted to. The tension, the stress, the screams, the fights, paid off! all of it. I couldn't have been happier, despite a three year slavery bond that i'm about to sign! I'm moving to Delhi. And soon. :D

I guess, and am sure too, after what the last few months brought, i deserve this!Every bit of the happiness that i'm living. Life hasn't been fair all through, but thats OK now; life wasn't going to be a bed of roses, unlike the Cinderella story. But you gotta find your own glass slipper. I guess i just got mine!

Sometimes, when i sit back and think, of all the wrong choices I've made, of all the wrong decisions I've taken, there's been a good thing to counter each. There always is. Then i realize that is the natural way of life. Had i not known the lows, i'd probably not appreciate the highs enough. One just needs to keep faith. In themselves, in life...It always works out in the end..and if it still hasn't it isn't the end yet! :)

Someone said this over a drink last evening (amidst the chatter of all happy, very-recently employed people) 'The best is always yet to come'. I believe you...and i'm looking forward :)

Indulging...

Sometimes, its nice to step out... To step out and take a view, a perspective, say of everything around you..
It feels good to step back and feel the air around you and breathe easy..  Sometimes its just so much better to smell the coffee.. sit up, take notice of the aroma, the flavour...am doing that after a while; i've been a lill caught up with so much happening for a while.
I'm indulging myself. This time self indulgence feels good and long due. Just being around people who mean so much to you, and you mean so much to, without any necessities, pretensions or mere expectations.
It nice to just take a walk around and smell the air in the streets here.Coming back always had made me loosen up, look around and smile :) Kolkata has always put me at my relaxed best..Coupled with that there are always the definite incentives of being home. There are only a very few things that could compare with the hug you get once you're home, to your folks after having been away for a while...
Sometimes a city like Bum-bay(i've officially resorted to calling it that) makes me a lill claustrophobic...
I'm so glad i took this break..I think i was getting a lill too caught up. Am breathing... :)

As another year goes by...

Its 2011...its been a decade since i learnt to understand the meaning of a new era, a new millennium that was ushered in a decade ago.
So much has changed since. People around me, regular chores,regular necessities, even regular luxuries...and so much more me! Last year around this time of the year, i was trying to emotionally distance myself from something that was coming disturbingly close into the territories i called emotionally restricted and prone to cause hurt. Yet i gave in finally!! I made my decisions; i made my peace.A whirlwind of events and 365 days later, as i sit here  i wonder how much has changed.
It was around this time of the year, in another city, in another home, in another surrounding, amongst other people i was procrastinating again..seriously this time... about making some changes in my life. It took a lot of things..courage mostly, to stand by my decisions and deal with them. Through a clutter of situations i gave the entrance exams. Amongst other things i lost some of my most favourite clothes and my favourite UCB pumps the very day i gave my XIC entrance test..! i was too busy and spaced out by the prospect of the test and the concert following the test (the more alluring of the two actually!) to remember to pick up 2 bags of clothes and shoes when i got off the cab! Same day other things happened. I met some people who came  back with different consequences later on in my life, in very different contexts..much after they'd already become irrelevant. Anyway...I think i was sitting at Glennery's in Darjeeling, on a quite cold winter evening, drinking myself to warmth n glory when i first found out i got through XIC. India's number one PR institute then! My happiness knew no bounds, neither did my evident pleasure at having finally regaining the confidence that i was beginning to lose.I called several people.Tithi being the first. Thats always been the way i've been about her. I'd always tell her first thing...Chiki inevitably was the next...i called my parents too, my dad was happy, very happy infact..but all the same started dreading the fact that i'd go away so far..I'd just gotten through the first level of entrance exams!!!...My mum wasn't very happy though, or at least if she was she hid it well...she'd been upset with me previously for some offence that i must have carried out..that still took precedence.Well by then i had quite a bit of alcohol n happiness(induced by both sources) in me to bother..i knew she was happy...or at least she would be...
Then came the dilemmas..several...the prospect of quitting a job, the prospect of uprooting myself entirely from 'home' to a completely new, unfamiliar surroundings; the prospect of leaving behind all that you had built from scratch for a luxury called Education..further education to be precise.
Decisions were made, bags and baggages were packed, goodbyes were said, tears had rolled..and so had the train wheels....they had rolled too..and then there was no stopping them; not for Nothing. not for Anything.
I was looking ahead at the prospect of a new life...
However once in Bombay, i discovered a side of me that i never knew existed..someone who shunned crowds, someone who seeked quietness, someone who seeked belonging; An unsocial,(and thankfully not anti-social!) side of me...I dont know what worked what dint..what fit into place and what didnt...but i somehow didnt. As time passed i grew more into myself, seeking solace only at one place, or at least seemingly so.But i guess i'd stopped making an effort too, subconsciously at least...
When walls burst they make a lot of sound, emotions rarely do..or maybe they do, only if you care to listen.I didnt. Bombay's immense traffic, local trains, missing those trains or taking the wrong ones, missing familiarity, missing friends and a closed mind made me dislike the city more and more..Till i realized i'd stopped making an effort, for myself;

Last year wasn't perfect..just like i'm sure this year won't be either...we all make our own mistakes and take our learnings from them..But last year was surely one that  brought out a whirlwind of emotions in me, some good, some not-so-good..
Times change...and time flies..Tempus fugit!! I am still holding fort, like always :)

Procrastinating...

Tempus fugit...time flies...sometimes leaves its footprints behind, sometimes just withdraws with it  all its traces of existence.  Somethings we remember, somethings we don't....some we choose to forget.Sometimes necessities take over..some other times its choice.
What do u do when u know u are unhappy, but cannot exactly point out n say why...what do u do..? You procrastinate? you think..distract yourself?What? What do u do, when at one sudden moment it catches you off guard? You drift back and all the resistance you built falls apart and you drift back into the clutches of some persistent creature, eating you, gnawing at you at the depths of your existence.
Why is it often so difficult to acknowledge things the way they are? Often we block things out, till we think we are better equipped to deal with them..habbitwise at the very least.
I sometimes think that i have so much to question and so little to answer, myself or anyone else. What is it that drives us to behave rationally/irrationally? Noone behaves irrationally, knowing full well that they are behaving irrationally, or do they? Then is it that we always look for someone else to pin down for our own unhappiness? But i always thought that your own unhappiness or happiness is what you control..or at least you think you do.So in other words we are in control..mostly! But then there is so little you control, let alone your own life. You dont even control when u feel sleepy for God's sake, or when u don't!!!
No one said it was going to be a bed of roses...but then dint they all live "happily ever after"?

:)

I havn't been back to you in a while...my blog, i've missed you...hugs :)