The Man-Woman 'In-equation'

So its a lazy Sunday, that i've mostly decided to work through, however much my heart may not have been in it.This however, is not a break from work, this is something that it just re-instated in my mind, because of work.

So i was on with my usual PR-ing, when in the flow of things i took the conversation with some journo to Facebook (Hail Social Media yet again!) and in the flow of things we decided to catch up and share a smoke! Now, don't go all moral police-y on me and go lecturing me on how i shouldn't smoke up with strangers. I'm past that age!!

Anyway, i shall skip the details and get to the point. I wonder what men in our country think of a woman who is forthcoming and is not miss-goody-two shoes and does not pretend to be one. Because once i agreed to smoking up, saying "i hardly ever say no to smoking" the ensuing question was what else do i hardly say no to? I assured him that there wasnt much except for drinking! This, however, brought back another, or maybe several other incidents to me and made me wonder. those of us, women who are forthcoming and not bogged down by the social dilemmas, and hence are hardly ever in the closet, what is our perception with men? By being who we are, independent, strong-willed and socially non-awkward women, do we inherently give out the message of being easy? If we are the kind of women, who speak of sex and abuse publicly does that essentially mean we are the 'easy' types? Men do that too, and without any inhibitions? Why can't we be the counterpart gender, without any implications of its inherent connotations? Why is it that we are simply labelled as 'available' the moment we show any traits of being self dependent, self-sufficient, progressive women, not afraid to speak our mind! Oh! I forget; when it come to women, 'forward' or 'progressive' also equal upto 'bad' and'easy'!
I am not accusing here, simply asking. So if you are a man, and reading this, i pray, don't take offence, but do give me an honest answer.

Another incident that it  immediately  brought back to me is a memory of a couple of months ago, when i was coming back to the City of Joy with a joyful heart, since i would get to see my 'lowe' after months, n that too on my blessed birthday. While on the flight i exchanged seats with some guy, and later figured that this was the first time that he and his friend were visiting the city so happily gave them my inputs about what they should see in the city, where all they could party and so on! We chatted a lill about Kolkata, travelling, music (since the guy was carrying a guitar, which had sparked my interest), after which we exchanged numbers just in case the guy needed some help aka advice about going around in the city. The  guy and his friend seemed pretty decent, with pretty decent jobs so i did not hesitate much. Little did i know that, i would get a horde of text messages for the next few days, with plans to meet up. I politely denied the first few offers, and then stopped responding. What the hell? I only had four days that i wanted to spend with my boyfriend, to meet who i had spent close to 12 grands and even without meeting strangers i already had enough people-meeting to squeeze into those 4 days. Nonetheless, the messages continued for a while, only stopping several times after me not responding.
Story number 3: On Christmas eve, i was supremely happy, because i just came out of the theatre having watched Don and that it was Christmas eve. So when people in a passing vehicle yelled, 'Merry Christmas', i yelled back. Because its Christmas! You are happy and you greet people. That is NORMAL. What was not normal was the response i got ' Fuck You'. I pray, please tell me why exactly? Why did i deserve that instead of a "to u too" or a 'same to you", why is it that i get a "fuck you". Coz am a woman? Thank you for your kindness!

Now, here's the thing. I'm a social person and a nice one at that. I think its merely plain rudeness to not reply  to people. But what i have realized is that the niceties are usually taken otherwise. Now there is a possibility that i read too much into it, and maybe in the last case, he and his friend were two lonely souls in Kolkata, looking only for a guide (in which role i seemed to fit perfectly, as i had already proved to them!), but somehow, it did not feel like that. Maybe age, and past experience has made me somewhat jaded, but i do become a lill cautious, when i see the water brimming. And it is always more advisable to not play with an already over-full glass! But what is it with you men really? When a woman, smiles and/or talks to you on her own, it simply means that she is talking and/or being nice. And not that she wants to get laid! True she gives out signals, from time to time, but when she is asking you 'what the time is' with the most matter of fact expression, it is not one of those times! To give you another instance, once when a well known theatre guy wanted to meet me for coffee, i agreed to immediately, since i thought it was about work. Later turns out that he wanted to spend some 'quality' time with me!! Why? Because i had, expressed my love for theatre and had a lengthy (translating to 15 minutes) of discussion on theatre, their work and so on, with him. I don't think he considered that it could have been out of genuine interest and appreciation for the art, rather than out of my fancy for his balding head! It angers me, mostly, how forthcoming gestures by the womenkind are almost always misinterpreted. And why? Because we are women. The moment we ourselves take the lead and make conversation with a man, it has to be because we are held captive by their innane charm and never because it was a fellow human being who shared similar interests, thank you! Yes, we have one night stands, but that is when we wanted to! So just because we slept with a distant friend of yours, does not mean we will sleep with you also!
This, 'I can floor every woman i come across' is typically an Indian men trait, though am thankful for the handful of men friends i have who think otherwise. But that too could be because of the company they keep. At least i would like to believe so. And i will abuse if i want to! And i will give out catcalls and i will speak of sex and sexuality in as loud a voice as i would speak about the the 9/11 conspiracy! I will wear short clothes because God damn you, it is summer!

So here's a note to men! Wake up. The only reason we are talking to you is not that we want to be in bed with you in the next few hours, or few weeks (as it applies to various men, with varying self-perceptions). A lot of times, it is because you are fellow human beings and just that. Period!