Its 2011...its been a decade since i learnt to understand the meaning of a new era, a new millennium that was ushered in a decade ago.
So much has changed since. People around me, regular chores,regular necessities, even regular luxuries...and so much more me! Last year around this time of the year, i was trying to emotionally distance myself from something that was coming disturbingly close into the territories i called emotionally restricted and prone to cause hurt. Yet i gave in finally!! I made my decisions; i made my peace.A whirlwind of events and 365 days later, as i sit here i wonder how much has changed.
It was around this time of the year, in another city, in another home, in another surrounding, amongst other people i was procrastinating again..seriously this time... about making some changes in my life. It took a lot of things..courage mostly, to stand by my decisions and deal with them. Through a clutter of situations i gave the entrance exams. Amongst other things i lost some of my most favourite clothes and my favourite UCB pumps the very day i gave my XIC entrance test..! i was too busy and spaced out by the prospect of the test and the concert following the test (the more alluring of the two actually!) to remember to pick up 2 bags of clothes and shoes when i got off the cab! Same day other things happened. I met some people who came back with different consequences later on in my life, in very different contexts..much after they'd already become irrelevant. Anyway...I think i was sitting at Glennery's in Darjeeling, on a quite cold winter evening, drinking myself to warmth n glory when i first found out i got through XIC. India's number one PR institute then! My happiness knew no bounds, neither did my evident pleasure at having finally regaining the confidence that i was beginning to lose.I called several people.Tithi being the first. Thats always been the way i've been about her. I'd always tell her first thing...Chiki inevitably was the next...i called my parents too, my dad was happy, very happy infact..but all the same started dreading the fact that i'd go away so far..I'd just gotten through the first level of entrance exams!!!...My mum wasn't very happy though, or at least if she was she hid it well...she'd been upset with me previously for some offence that i must have carried out..that still took precedence.Well by then i had quite a bit of alcohol n happiness(induced by both sources) in me to bother..i knew she was happy...or at least she would be...
Then came the dilemmas..several...the prospect of quitting a job, the prospect of uprooting myself entirely from 'home' to a completely new, unfamiliar surroundings; the prospect of leaving behind all that you had built from scratch for a luxury called Education..further education to be precise.
Decisions were made, bags and baggages were packed, goodbyes were said, tears had rolled..and so had the train wheels....they had rolled too..and then there was no stopping them; not for Nothing. not for Anything.
I was looking ahead at the prospect of a new life...
However once in Bombay, i discovered a side of me that i never knew existed..someone who shunned crowds, someone who seeked quietness, someone who seeked belonging; An unsocial,(and thankfully not anti-social!) side of me...I dont know what worked what dint..what fit into place and what didnt...but i somehow didnt. As time passed i grew more into myself, seeking solace only at one place, or at least seemingly so.But i guess i'd stopped making an effort too, subconsciously at least...
When walls burst they make a lot of sound, emotions rarely do..or maybe they do, only if you care to listen.I didnt. Bombay's immense traffic, local trains, missing those trains or taking the wrong ones, missing familiarity, missing friends and a closed mind made me dislike the city more and more..Till i realized i'd stopped making an effort, for myself;
Last year wasn't perfect..just like i'm sure this year won't be either...we all make our own mistakes and take our learnings from them..But last year was surely one that brought out a whirlwind of emotions in me, some good, some not-so-good..
Times change...and time flies..Tempus fugit!! I am still holding fort, like always :)
So much has changed since. People around me, regular chores,regular necessities, even regular luxuries...and so much more me! Last year around this time of the year, i was trying to emotionally distance myself from something that was coming disturbingly close into the territories i called emotionally restricted and prone to cause hurt. Yet i gave in finally!! I made my decisions; i made my peace.A whirlwind of events and 365 days later, as i sit here i wonder how much has changed.
It was around this time of the year, in another city, in another home, in another surrounding, amongst other people i was procrastinating again..seriously this time... about making some changes in my life. It took a lot of things..courage mostly, to stand by my decisions and deal with them. Through a clutter of situations i gave the entrance exams. Amongst other things i lost some of my most favourite clothes and my favourite UCB pumps the very day i gave my XIC entrance test..! i was too busy and spaced out by the prospect of the test and the concert following the test (the more alluring of the two actually!) to remember to pick up 2 bags of clothes and shoes when i got off the cab! Same day other things happened. I met some people who came back with different consequences later on in my life, in very different contexts..much after they'd already become irrelevant. Anyway...I think i was sitting at Glennery's in Darjeeling, on a quite cold winter evening, drinking myself to warmth n glory when i first found out i got through XIC. India's number one PR institute then! My happiness knew no bounds, neither did my evident pleasure at having finally regaining the confidence that i was beginning to lose.I called several people.Tithi being the first. Thats always been the way i've been about her. I'd always tell her first thing...Chiki inevitably was the next...i called my parents too, my dad was happy, very happy infact..but all the same started dreading the fact that i'd go away so far..I'd just gotten through the first level of entrance exams!!!...My mum wasn't very happy though, or at least if she was she hid it well...she'd been upset with me previously for some offence that i must have carried out..that still took precedence.Well by then i had quite a bit of alcohol n happiness(induced by both sources) in me to bother..i knew she was happy...or at least she would be...
Then came the dilemmas..several...the prospect of quitting a job, the prospect of uprooting myself entirely from 'home' to a completely new, unfamiliar surroundings; the prospect of leaving behind all that you had built from scratch for a luxury called Education..further education to be precise.
Decisions were made, bags and baggages were packed, goodbyes were said, tears had rolled..and so had the train wheels....they had rolled too..and then there was no stopping them; not for Nothing. not for Anything.
I was looking ahead at the prospect of a new life...
However once in Bombay, i discovered a side of me that i never knew existed..someone who shunned crowds, someone who seeked quietness, someone who seeked belonging; An unsocial,(and thankfully not anti-social!) side of me...I dont know what worked what dint..what fit into place and what didnt...but i somehow didnt. As time passed i grew more into myself, seeking solace only at one place, or at least seemingly so.But i guess i'd stopped making an effort too, subconsciously at least...
When walls burst they make a lot of sound, emotions rarely do..or maybe they do, only if you care to listen.I didnt. Bombay's immense traffic, local trains, missing those trains or taking the wrong ones, missing familiarity, missing friends and a closed mind made me dislike the city more and more..Till i realized i'd stopped making an effort, for myself;
Last year wasn't perfect..just like i'm sure this year won't be either...we all make our own mistakes and take our learnings from them..But last year was surely one that brought out a whirlwind of emotions in me, some good, some not-so-good..
Times change...and time flies..Tempus fugit!! I am still holding fort, like always :)
