As the smoke from my cigarette blows away in the wind billowing from the open door, sheer darkness of landscape whoosing by, i cannot help but go back to three months ago when i was on the exact same train. Leaving behind the familiar, heading towards moving on.
Life was a different saga back then!
Today, even the same people feel diffrerent. Amusingly, every time i pay attention to the incessant, soothing rhythm of the chanting train, i cannot help but marvel at perspectives, or the lack of them. That lone house by the tracks, with one little lantern lighting up the verandah? Reality checks often come in forms unapprehended!
These three months have passed in the blink of an eye. I've barely seen as many me-s in the last three years, as i have in the last three months. Each time, with a new realization, each time, holding fast a little tighter, hoping to not stumble and make a fool out of my resplendant self. And in that i perhaps bargained for a little more than what i actually deserved. Coherence. I remember thinking at one point, that it would have been a priviledge. I have only recently, and yet again, learnt that privileges also carve out a nook only when rightfully claimed!
Exactly three months later, as i head back, once again leaving familiarity and fondness behind, I'm a little more prepared to meet the dreary, hostile city at the other end of the train. A little more awake, a lill less apprehensive. A little more motivated by the light at the end of a tunnel. Or perhaps, just by the thought that this is yet another passing phase. In a month's time, i will merely be reminiscing, perhaps while smoking lazily on a mountaintop, looking out into the endless vistas. Or perhaps when I'm battling to not lose focus during a session of particularly bad sex. It all will become a new set of drunk stories, itching to be retold.
Priorities, prioties, my lill princess. Remember, self preservation is paramount?
Bring it on, you dreary city; I may still not be ready for what i am expecting, but this time, I am at least expecting. Well then, it is time to collect those stories.
:)
Life was a different saga back then!
Today, even the same people feel diffrerent. Amusingly, every time i pay attention to the incessant, soothing rhythm of the chanting train, i cannot help but marvel at perspectives, or the lack of them. That lone house by the tracks, with one little lantern lighting up the verandah? Reality checks often come in forms unapprehended!
These three months have passed in the blink of an eye. I've barely seen as many me-s in the last three years, as i have in the last three months. Each time, with a new realization, each time, holding fast a little tighter, hoping to not stumble and make a fool out of my resplendant self. And in that i perhaps bargained for a little more than what i actually deserved. Coherence. I remember thinking at one point, that it would have been a priviledge. I have only recently, and yet again, learnt that privileges also carve out a nook only when rightfully claimed!
Exactly three months later, as i head back, once again leaving familiarity and fondness behind, I'm a little more prepared to meet the dreary, hostile city at the other end of the train. A little more awake, a lill less apprehensive. A little more motivated by the light at the end of a tunnel. Or perhaps, just by the thought that this is yet another passing phase. In a month's time, i will merely be reminiscing, perhaps while smoking lazily on a mountaintop, looking out into the endless vistas. Or perhaps when I'm battling to not lose focus during a session of particularly bad sex. It all will become a new set of drunk stories, itching to be retold.
Priorities, prioties, my lill princess. Remember, self preservation is paramount?
Bring it on, you dreary city; I may still not be ready for what i am expecting, but this time, I am at least expecting. Well then, it is time to collect those stories.
:)
